Perfectionism; A Psychological Prison

With the new year coming I wanted to share a book I read. Sometimes we can have an "All or Nothing" mentality that we actually sabotage our own efforts. So this new year - let's focus on the journey and not the destination.

Psychological prison:   

• Fear of failing
• Obsessed with the destination and outcome
• All the way or nothing at all
• Thinking that the world is not Fluid and changing all the time (50’s motherhood)
• Not enjoying nor appreciating, and missing the magic MOMENTS
• Avoiding pain by procrastinating
• Imposing perfection on myself
• Not looking at things in the light of ETERNITY
• Not accepting reality  - there are only 24 hours in a day

Below I added a video from Brian Johnson from Philosophers Notes that gives you a quick synopsis of the book.

Video: https://brianjohnson.me/philosophers-notes/the-pursuit-of-perfect/

Meaningful Life Part 1

As a creative person, I struggle with wanting my life and art to have meaning. It's important to me. 

So I began to look into how I can have more peace in this area. This is what I learned so far.

Since we are all different - our experiences, bringing up, culture, and personalities, we will all find different things to be meaningful. My family and I can be sitting eating dinner together, but each one of us is going to experience or interpret that moment as meaningful or not. And that's ok. The act of eating dinner and being together is meaningful to me, but eating and having a good conversation is meaningful to my son. No conversation, not meaningful for him. 

So doing something meaningful really is doing something you find important. Something that has value to you.

mean·ing

important or worthwhile quality; purpose.

"this can lead to new meaning in the life of older people"

synonyms:

value, validity, worth, consequence, account,  use, usefulness,significance, point "my life has no meaning"

synonyms:

principles, ethics, moral code, morals, standards, code of behavior "society's values are passed on to us as children"

Related Posts in this Series Meaning Defining your Values Creating your Life Purpose Statement Creating a Life Purpose Icon

Eric Maisel explained it best, "There are many ways to garner the psychological experience of meaning. You might have that experience just by gazing up at the night sky. BUT we make ourselves proudest when we strive for meaning that is rooted in our values and principles." 

Pretty much, it's better when we experience meaning on purpose and not by accident.

So if I can create meaning on purpose and not just wonder or feel it by accident sometimes, I felt I had to start at the beginning of myself...find out what exactly is important to me. What's valuable? What is most precious to me. 

val·ue

a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life.

"they internalize their parents' rules and values"

So began the list of values... NEXT POST :)

Pain Demands to be felt

SAT Sept 12, 2015

"That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt." 

 The Fault in Our Stars.

When I think of my dad, I think "Indestructible." He was never sick, at 74 he didn't have any grey hair, as a matter of fact, he had ALL his hair, he once dove in to a baby pool head first and recovered like nothing, he would get a cut from working on something... a fan, cars, mower and he would just wrap it, but you could clearly see he needed stitches. So when my uncle texted me to let me know my dad had passed away, I didn't know what to feel. How do you mourn some one you had a complicated relationship with and believed would live to be 120 years old?

I hadn't seen my father in a long time, but I knew he was alive somewhere. That's how he was - pop in and out of our lives. My brother found him living in Honduras this past year and that he had throat cancer but that he was doing really well. Just like Carole Popperton-Schrading described her father, "My father was an alcoholic. He was very intelligent and high functioning, to borrow a term from AA." 

My family has about 80 percent bad memories of him and 20 percent good memories of my dad.

Good memories...his pig roasts, teaching me how to make fried shrimp, my dad had me and my brother sit at the kitchen table and pretended he was a french waiter. He had the napkin over his arm and He was taking our order in french- really it was gibberish. On the menu was hot dogs with the ends cut so they would curl up like flowers or when my mom let some Jehovah's witnesses in the house and my dad started laundry, slamming the washer lid, turned up the t.v., talked really loud, and we could see that he was making himself laugh from his antics - it made us laugh too - No disrespect to Jehovah's Witnesses.

Then there were the not so good memories...drinking, manipulating, gas lighting, causing trouble, police, joking one day, upset another, did I say police?

I couldn't help but to laugh when my my mom would ask him, "And who are you today? Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde?" in her Spanish accent. Writing this right now, I'm laughing inside. We were so damn dysfunctional.

I had no ill feelings towards him. I accepted and was at peace that he was the way he was and the limited relationship was a good thing. Even with all his non sense, I learned a lot from him.  I knew what kind of parent I did NOT want to be, how exactly I would allow someone to treat me, how to discern situations pretty fast, which ways NOT to cope with life, how to read people...

So back to processing all this - Anger I know very well how to feel. Frustration and disappointment too, but sadness I had no point of reference. I kept trying to analyze and figure out what I was feeling, but I just made myself exhausted. So when I found this quote from 

Leonardo DaVinci, 

"Tears come from the heart and not from the brain." 

It gave me a little peace.  Sometimes I just won't  end up "figuring out" all my feelings. 
Some times I'm just going to have to allow myself to feel it, not rush through it so I can "get over it" and allow paint to be felt.

Thank you to all of you who supported me and was a shoulder to cry on during this time in my life.

Cinderella didn't ask for a Prince

"Cinderella Never Asked For A Prince"

As a kid I always illustrated Cinderella. Thinking back - I never drew the prince. I drew Cinderella, her room, her dress, her carriage, her shoes...
So you know I had to do a piece of Cinderella and this awesome quote.

After reading this quote it reminded me of the at-risk youth I have worked with for many years now. One of the biggest obstacles I have noticed for the females is - understanding that they don't need some one to "complete" them or make them feel "worthy."

When we take the time to grow on our own as an individual, we learn about ourselves, we become strong, find our potential, our voice becomes clearer - we learn that we are just enough as ourselves. We then can enter a relationship as one full part instead of two incomplete parts coming together. 
Imagine a painting done by two toddlers? Now Imagine a painting done by two adults. 
The first is going to be a hot mess, there will be arguing, ignoring, crying, tantrums, etc.. The second example, there will be sharing, discussion, experience.

As Celestine Chua from personalexcellence.com states, "When you view a relationship as something that completes you, you attract other people who have this mindset too, and that leads to a relationship which is rooted in fear and negativity. The latter attracts your soulmate relationship, one that elevates you, makes you a better person, brings you actual bliss and joy."Go, do some growing on your own - alone.

Cinderella didn't go looking for a prince, her presence drew him.

Cinderella was confident in herself, her inner beauty glowed from the inside out. She went into that ball owning it. The prince had no choice but to notice her. She lived how she was supposed to and she attracted what was hers. 

When we know who we are, what our convictions are, have taken the time to grow ourselves, we have full clarity of what we want and only go after what is best for us, we will more likely know exactly who to "Shoo fly shoo" away from our lives without fear that no one else will ever come along. Also, if someone doesn't, SO WHAT? You are too valuable and precious to just be with just anyone.

So the next time you watch the movie or read the story, remember Cinderella really didn't go about looking for a prince. She had plenty of time to learn about herself and know exactly what she wanted and her inner light shone bright. 

You have the power - to choose

"At any time you have the Power to change your story."

Sometimes my artwork is inspired by an image or a quote. This time it was by this quote. I wanted to convey how would I have power to change my story? Through words? choices? decisions...? of all those words "CHOICE" was the one that stood out the most. So I wanted the girl to have many books and stories to choose from. 

Remember those books when we were kids...the one if you chose one option or another you would could change the ending of the book? I think they were "Choose your own Adventure Books." We had the power to change our story in those books by the choices we made - why not in our life story?

In the field I work in, many of the victims go BACK to their abuser up to seven times before they finally CHOOSE to say enough is enough and I'm leaving no matter what. Those seven times could be because they didn't have enough support, money, job, childcare, etc..., but that seventh time (or third, or fifth) could be the one time that they CHOSE to not be a victim anymore and change their story, especially how it's going to end.

Not all of our lives are to that point, however, we all have that same POWER to CHOSE -  

• CHOICE between staying at a job you don't like or pursue your dream.
• CHOICE between living  in familiarity where all is comfortable or venturing out to somewhere new 
• CHOICE between living authentically or following what the world says how you have to be.
• CHOICE between focusing on this or that over there
• CHOICE between letting this circumstance kill you or make you stronger
• CHOICE between going thru this door or another door

choice

: the act of choosing : the act of picking or deciding between two or more possibilities

: the opportunity or power to choose between two or more possibilities 

: the opportunity or power to make a decision

: a range of things that can be chosen

I'm not saying that we all have to run out, join a circus, move into an RV and travel, but we do have the power to choose to change how our life's story is going right at this moment by the power of Choice.

GOOD Luck in your adventure!

This print will be available for purchase on my website

Start your day on a positive mindset

Working on focusing on what I have and not worry about what I don't.

Think on....

Phillipians 4:8

⁸ Finally, brethren,

whatever things are true,

whatever things are honest,

whatever things are righteous,

whatever things are clean and pure,

whatever things are friendly towards,

whatever things are of a good reputation,

if there is any excellent and

if there is anything commendable—

Take inventory and think about these things.

Good things in my life…

1. I have a loving, supportive, hard working, caring husband.
2. Isaiah and Jaelin are healthy, intelligent, funny, caring, and sweet kids.
3. We are so close to being debt free.
4. We have a savings account for the first time.
5. I have a body of art work for the first time since college.
6. I have toilet paper, towels, and plenty of underwear.
7. I have 3 friends I can trust.
8. I have health insurance.
9. I have more than enough to pay my bills.
10. God delivered me from my nightmares.
11. God saved me just in time.
12. God gave me a marriage that is very rare and precious.

Prayer…

Dear God,

Let me hear your voice and reveal to me all the limiting images and thoughts in my mind. Replace them with pictures that glorify you and accurately represent my potential. Upgrade my opinion of myself and my vision for my future so I don’t need to preserve the past. Show me how to be a faithful steward of the greatness you placed in me and to show your presence in my life. As I accept and experience your mercy and grace, help me to grasp your love as demonstrated by Jesus’ sacrifice. Amen

Perspective

"The only thing you sometimes have control over is perspective. You don't have control over your situation. But you have a choice about how you view it."

- Chris Pine

There are days, even weeks, when I can get into a rut. I get stuck at looking at what I'm not doing, what I haven't done, what hasn't worked out, where I am, am I even making a difference?

Well, this kind of thinking can get me down, anybody down. Today, as I was driving to RaceTrac to drown my blah mood in a cup of coffee,

I asked myself, "What if I stood on the outside of myself and looked at my life like I was a totally unrelated person?" 

What would I think of my life then?

Doing this helped me. I stopped and thought...

"Wow, this husband and wife are working in fields that help to change the world, they have two beautiful, well behaved, doing well in school kids, a long, wonderful marriage, a cute little family, they live a simple life, and they have talents that they use all the time." 

Looking it at my life from a different perspective like that made me be like, "I want to be them."

I also RE-defined what my present job description is - 

Original description: Work in after school program

New description: Assist victims of domestic violence with child care so they can start a new life over by either looking for a job or child care while they are working to save money to move their families to a new safe place and away from a life of domestic violence and fear.

So lesson to myself ..

Changing your perspective and definitions can help get you out of a rut.

All art work images are for sale on my website www.MargiesArtStudio.com

Stress Less

This past week I was stressed out. 

I have a bad habit of trying to try to figure how to make everything work. I drive myself and my family crazy sometimes. So after getting really tired of going in circles and getting artist block.

I am planning on writing about what I learn here since I know that as an artist (and just as a regular person) there can be stressors like finances, deadlines, balancing time to create, work, purpose, destiny, questions, creative frustration, work, pollution, the earth, world hunger, child abuse, what's the difference between an Ipod, IPhone, and an MP3Player, ...just kidding ...You know what I'm saying.

 This past week I learned..

There is worry and UNhealthy worry.

Bruce Hubbard Phd of Cognitive Health Group states that "Worry is an anxious preoccupation with an anticipated negative event.  Over the course of evolution, worry helped us adapt by directing awareness to true problems that once identified can be effectively addressed. In this way worry is effective in managing challenges of your everyday life" 

and 

UNhealthy worry is when some people 's "...minds become trapped in a endless process of “figuring it out.” They are plagued by thoughts and images of disastrous outcomes that in reality may never come to be. Worriers are particularly challenged by problems that have no clear solution. Instead of accepting and managing these difficult realities, they are viewed as evidence of the futility of even trying to work things out."

So I made  a list of some things I can start doing to help me give my mind a break and also the time to enjoy my life more.

1. Schedule 1 short (10 minute) pleasant activity everyday
2. List 3 things I am grateful for every night.
3. Remind myself every day

• Not to be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
• Trust the Lord completely, and don’t depend on my own knowledge. With every step I take, think about what He wants, and He'll help me go the right way.  Proverbs 3:5-6

4. Take time to be mindful (be in the moment and breathe)
5. When I start trying to solve something in my mind, Ask myself, "Can  I really solve this problem      right this second?
6. DeReflection- Focus on helping someone else.

  What are some healthy things you do to not get stuck in a 

loop of stressing?

Getting organized with a Pace Chart

I learned a neat way of organizing from my kids virtual school. The school calls it a "pace" chart. This helps them to stay on "pace" and for them not to fall behind in school. So I adopted their chart and made one of my own to pace myself when it comes to my art work. I'm pretty organized, but at times I can get really overwhelmed because I can see all the details and this helps me break it down into bite sized pieces.
Below is an example of one I did last year.
It is very helpful. You put the month or week on the left and then the list of tasks to be done. You can add dates - so you are creating a deadline for yourself. This is just for an aid not etched in stone. 

Example of a Pace Chart

PACE CHART ART WORK

June                                        Clean up loose ends          June 30                                       
 Work on bathroom art                     June 25
 Photograph Jazz singer for prints    June 26
Start and finish Snow white drawing  June 27
Paint roses on snow white frame       June 28
Trade out 3 art from gallery w/ 3 fairy tale art  June 29

                                                                                                           

June                                                July Fundraiser         July 30                              
Start and finish Luke and yoda
Facebook, blog, and Instagram about it
Share on blog
Photgraph Luke and Yoda for prints
Buy prints at Staples
Add artwork to website
Add $1 button for sale on website
Write up for Seminole Voice

October                                        Jazz Festival College park   Oct 10      
Get prints of Cellist
Prints of Jazz Singer
Prints of 2^nd singer
Get a smaller canvas ready to paint 2^nd singer
Paint another singer at festival
Paint Breast Cancer larger for Jill
Make 1 breast cancer music box
Facebook, blog, and Instagram about it

Risk;

                              Risk 

"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. – T. S. Eliot"

In life we sometimes have to take risks. Starting a new business, applying for a new job, moving to another city, pursuing your dreams. Like the high dive act, you can feel as if you are diving head first into something you don't know much about. You may feel fear and uncertainty.  However,  if you take a calculated risk, it can teach you about yourself, allow you to conquer your fears, get new ideas, help you find out what you are really capable of if you take the chance.

This is part of the "Life is a Circus...Life Lessons from the Greatest Show on Earth" Series. Each piece of art work will be accompanied by a page with a "positive note" and quote just like the one above.

This will be part of a book that I am hoping to complete to give away to each female youth who leaves our emergency shelter.

Ringleader; Orchestrate your own Life

Ringleader

“We can let circumstances rule us, or we can take charge and rule our lives from within.” Earl Nightingale

  Just like the ringleader, your run the show of your life by the decisions you make and what you allow and don't allow in your life. Don't let someone else or situations orchestrate your life by relinquishing control of the show to others or to life circumstances. 

This is part of the "Life is a Circus...Life Lessons from the Greatest Show on Earth" Series. Each piece of art work will be accompanied by a page with a "positive note" and quote just like the one above.

This will be part of a book that I am hoping to complete to give away to each female youth who leaves our emergency shelter.

Humor; Just laugh at Yourself

Humor:  Let's take a lesson from the circus clown. 

He or she does silly mistakes, she trips and falls, loses her things, gets chased by a dog, her pants rip, and she spills her water. The Clown knows how to laugh at herself when things are not going right. Sometimes we make a dumb mistakes or our day can seem very serious; stop and make a joke, make someone laugh,nmake yourself laugh.  

Life can seem to be too serious at times. 

Go ahead, clown around and see the humor in life. 

This is part of the "Life is a Circus...Life Lessons from the Greatest Show on Earth" Series. Each piece of art work will be accompanied by a page with a "positive note" and quote just like the one above.

This will be part of a book that I am hoping to complete to give away to each female youth who leaves our emergency shelter.

Be Fearless; Do it scared

“Fearless” is synonymous with courage. 

It is the ability to do something that you know is difficult. Fearless is like the aerial artist practicing and she slips or falls, but her fearlessness is what makes her get back up to do it again.When the aerial artist goes up to do her act, she may feel butterflies in her stomach, a little fear, a little anxiousness, but she goes through with her act anyway because she pushed thru those fears. If you have a dream you want to pursue and you have some fears, it’s absolutely normal. 

Be fearless and do it scared anyway.

 This is part of the "Life is a Circus...Life Lessons from the Greatest Show on Earth" Series. Each piece of art work will be accompanied by a page with a "positive note" and quote just like the one above.

This will be part of a book that I am hoping to complete to give away to each female youth who leaves our emergency shelter.

Be Flexible; Adapt

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.  ~Victor Frankl

The contortionist adapts so well in her tight spot becuase she is so flexible. Life is going to bring many changes and challenges.  By being flexible you have the ability to change yourself and methods when challenges come up. Lack of flexibility may result in you missing out in opportunities, events, and people that you could have enjoyed and helped you to grow to achieve your goals.

 This is part of the "Life is a Circus...Life Lessons from the Greatest Show on Earth" Series. Each piece of art work will be accompanied by a page with a "positive note" and quote just like the one above.

This will be part of a book that I am hoping to complete to give away to each female youth who leaves our emergency shelter.

Beauty

"Beauty  is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical." Sophia Loren.

 Beauty means something different to every person. What you think may be beautiful could be not so attractive to someone else. 

So embrace your features for what they are and not for what society has tried to make you think it should be.

 This is part of the "Life is a Circus...Life Lessons from the Greatest Show on Earth" Series. Each piece of art work will be accompanied by a page with a "positive note" and quote just like the one above.

This will be part of a book that I am hoping to complete to give away to each female youth who leaves our emergency shelter.

From broken to whole

As you know, I have been working on my book to give away to each female youth that leaves from our program. 
These girls are considered adults at 18 and move out on their own or go back to their families, another program, or back to their old environment. 
I wanted to give them something that continues to encourage them and motivate them even after they leave. Encourage them that they have the power and capabilities to become a teacher, business owner, nurse, MMA fighter, stay at home mom...many of these girls don't believe in themselves. It saddens me when you hear a girl think that all she thinks she can become is a "dancer" - Air quotes.
Or that she will be moving in with her "boyfriend" after she leaves the program. These girls need to believe that they can become more than what their environment is telling them that they can become.

As I was researching Circus characters I found this movie...It is so perfect. It is exactly what I imagine when I see some of these kids. It is only 20 minuets long but very encouraging.

                  The Butterfly Circus